Social Assassination - Ever Do It?
Have you ever been around people who kibitz, gossip, cooler talk, rumor mill? "Hey, did you hear...", "Look at..." and any other form of talking about people who are not present is social assassination. Did you know that? Did you think it was harmless? Think again.
What we think is harmless is actually specifically destructive and intended to hurt. Did you ever notice that little voice inside which feels bad when you gossip about another person? Once more, when we say anything that another person would not want us to say, we are knowingly hurting them. They do not deserve it. When we talk about people, we immediately hurt them. The question is do we know that and do we intend it? Yes and yes.
Social assassination is done on purpose. The reasons are different but someone who gossip has just socially assassinated someone. The ONLY chance we have is for people to be aware of the social assassination of gossip and identify people who do it and swear to never engage by giving an audience or saying "I don't know that about them because it did not come from them". "Even if it did who am I because I have my own faults". "Not mine to judge that person".' People will have grown by hearing that. If there is no audience or even better, if kindness and wisdom speaks, then it will reduce the amount of social assassination.
Social assassination through gossip is human assault. We are hurting another person. This is not natural and it hurts them and well it hurts you. Social assignation is meant to isolate a person and focus their entire existence on a fault that the person in judgement deems worthy of dismissing them as less than human. So, the people who hear this and hear that it is positioned as a negative judgement will now naturally eliminate them and feel that it is acceptable to spread that same thing about them. If we are still kind, we will feel ugly if we say something harsh about another. Perhaps it is so habitual that we just got used to carrying that poison. Undue it. Spread good. Admit wrong. Live in the light.
The assassinated people now have limited opportunities for friendship and love because they have been deemed "damaged goods" by people who are apparently not. This shrinks their worlds. They sense it. This always extends into family, spouses and kids and they are just extended collateral damage. In a workplace this HURTS a persons ability to earn and support their family, help an aging parent, pay for college or help them just live their lives. This is hideously irresponsible. You hurt their chances of making friends, getting promotions and enjoying their lives. All because someone wants to judge them from inside their empire filled with people they control.
So, if you talk about people then accept the examples above as a representation of your behavior and the implications. You have to make a decision to do it. If you have done it then there may be a bit of shame knowing that and that is the starting point. Now that you know, you know. This is your starting point. From here, you see people as doing the best they can with their stories and history. They do not need to be judged by you and if we can explore a person who sits in moral or cultural judgement; who are they? What type of person judges?
Well first the ignorant. Ignorance comes from many places. Ignorance is a lack of awareness and a lack of human awareness is a person living in abject denial of their own. They exist in the physical world only. A world of false constructs of winners and losers and they have doubled-down in this world being reality so that if you don't live up then you are subject to being judged. To judge someone is IMPOSSIBLE if you have looked at your own short comings or sins. "Those without sin cast the first stone". Pretty much case closed right there.
We do have a suffering cultural society. This is not just a rant of a know-it- all. The sciences and status of happy people say this. People are less happy. There are many reasons which are feeding off each other. They stem from remnants of dysfunctional families which creates realities where some part is rooted in fear and fear breeds insecurity and aggression. This culture creates people who see themselves as different or apart from others. This separation makes it possible. Next, a person who judges usually does this because they were judged. Perhaps harshly. Their judgement is hurt, anger at something or based on something that their ego owned as a strong point to use as the basis for judgement. Since we see ourselves in terms of what we deem important, we judge others based on this. The antidote is humanization and a dash of humility. To be responsible for our actions and not others actions unless they are hurting people. What kind of person does this? Do you know people who do this? Do not be part of this audience where they socially assassinate someone. Walk away.
Well obviously there is insecurity. If we see someone happy, better or something that causes some sting in our minds and hearts then well, you are making me feel bad so now I have a license to hurt you back. You don't. What we have a license to do is work on your insecurity so that we feel good about us. Your relationship to your reasons for insecurity are yours and only you can resolve it. It is easy and worth the effort. So we ask, what kind of person does that? Do we know people like this? Don't engage when you see it being done. Rise above. Don't call them out and cause problems, just take their audience away.
Status is another reason. People need to empire build and create a world of insiders and outsiders. You have to kiss the ring, play by someone else's control and be just like them or they will cast you out and pile on. If this seems reasonable, what kind of person does that? Is that a person to follow? Is that a good way to be (we can judge in this case because they are causing pain to people). Love is there but the behavior should stop.
So, understand what gossip is, ask yourself why you are doing it and know that you are hurting another person. Humanize is the antidote. Humanize yourself and the rest will take care of itself.
