Egos, Edginess, Individualism and Insecurity
One cannot attack from emptiness and one does not defend nothingness. - Zen concept.
With the rise in social media driving people into a new reality of image management, we are growing narcicists. We are growing people who live on image but are inside less happy than ever. Building our ego to look like we have it all together or that we are special, actually creates a separation within us; and then we have something which we must now protect. It has been said that the most powerful part of personality is our demand to defend who we say that we are. If we sold that we are amazing, we will forever need to serve that master. Welcome to anger, insecurity, isolation and potentially depression.
Ego is needed. Who we are is needed. However notice what I said. I said who we are. With ego driven people, it becomes what we are, what we do and what we have. Pay close attention to the difference in those. Healthy who we are is character lead and what we are types put out something they are for the purposes of impressing people (sometimes what they say is exxageration or lie), to be liked, to take a position of importance or to dominate by looking powerful. It is on leaders or organizations to demonstrate that identity is WHO we are and not what.
How many times have we known people who achieved great things but were emty and vapid inside? They met the external constructs of success but contrasted against good personality and character traits they did not focus on these and cultivate deep character. The result is usually intolerable.
Movie characters are amazing but let's think about what those people would be in our lives. Let's rewind to the height of the Tom Cruise era. Yes, Top Gun. There is a particular shot in that movie which is what inspired this awareness in me. Tom played Maverick, was walking away in his jeans and famous leather flight jacket like he had hip displacia. Have you ever seen a person that you took seriously walk like that? That is an ego, narcisistic driven character. The thing about narcicists is that they are great at winning our attention and fall apart when it comes to closeness. It is impossible to be in a great relationship with a self-absorbed narcisist. So, this so not be idolized in super-high performers who promote their brand.
When you are talking to people, notice if they throw out something in their story about how they have expert opinion so that your part of the conversation has less value. That could be a power move and many times just insecurity (that is a compliment) or it is excitement. It could just be a person with something on their mind and excitement to interject it. What determines this is whether they speak to build a better conversation or to demonstrate greatness. Once again, the difference is if they create more unity in the conversation or make it more them-centric. The ultimate challenge here is that people who pull attention to things which they take superiority can make others feel like less.
We have a rise in the dark triad of which is narcicism. Having a narcicist in your life can be problematic. Sometimes people are egos or edgy where they are always trying to show how cool they can be. Well "cool" is a fake, external construct. An image made up by which people can draw attention to themselves. Why? Why would they want this? There are many reasons. What is important is that you see it for what it is and choose to reward it or not by being a second class part of the conversation. I sometimes think that I did not start talking to watch a show but instead to have a conversation. The challenge here leading back to the message of humanization is that these people are in some ego-centric state.
Ego-centric means that they are self-identifying as separate from. Humanization is at the core unity. Perhaps it is nervousness or insecurity and if so, then be with them to relax. If not, then notice if you are a person or audience. Choose what you want from there. Know that the more people who separate themselves to be adored, the more loneliness we will have.